till it’s done

for D’Angelo, Ibae

it was the winter of 2020 that sparked my deep love & study of D’Angelo. i’d always known he was a great artist, but that was the first time i really listened to him. that same year, i left college to pursue my lifelong dream of a music career—although, at the time, i was only doing it halfway. i was torn between my church upbringing & the kind of music i wanted to make. it felt impossible to honor both. i’d already disappointed my parents by leaving school, i was afraid that making secular music would only make things worse.

since i wasn’t in school anymore, i worked full-time at an assisted living facility as a patient care technician—pulling doubles that ran from 3p to 7a. those long nights gave me plenty of time to think about who i was becoming, who i wanted to be. during the hours my patients were asleep, i’d listen to & watch D’Angelo albums & interviews. one night, i came across a quote of his that resonated deeply with me: “When I was young, I had an ‘aha’ moment in church. There was a thing called testimony service, somebody would sing a song, & everyone else would join in, finding a note where they fit. During one of those, a light went on in my head. In that moment, I heard everything—Parliament, the Staple Singers, Curtis Mayfield, Prince—in there.”

reading that quote gave me the words for what i was feeling when i listened to his music. when i hear Sugah Daddy by D’Angelo, i can also hear Jesus Will by Anita Wilson. i can hear the call & response on Send It On. his music put language to something spiritual—how sound could hold both God & groove, how maybe, i could too. even when the church or the people around me made me feel unworthy, music kept my faith in God alive—it was the one place where i still felt connected to something divine.

i wouldn’t have come to this realization, i wouldn’t have had the courage to pursue music all the way, had it not been for him. i am absolutely heartbroken by his death. i’ll never get to experience him live or share my music with him—things that were on my bucket list. D’Angelo was the only cosign i dreamed about. from his lyricism & musicianship to his vocal arrangements—all that i aspire to be, he encompasses so beautifully. i owe a huge part of who i am & will be as an artist to D’Angelo, he is the artist of my life.

light & progression to his spirit.

rest in power.

Ibae Bayen Tonu.